Things I’ve Learned From Stargate

27 Oct 2008 @ 2:37 AM

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All beings in the universe speak and understand English
Little green men are not, in fact, green, but actually grey
No matter how powerful the alien enemy, C4 can destroy anything
When in doubt, ask Dr. Samantha Carter
Archeologists can read and understand any language in the universe
Bullets are the greatest weapon invention ever, trumping lasers and plasma bursts
Every meteor shower is really an alien invasion
Evil alien parasites are not only stupid, but arrogant as well
The pyramids were built by humans under the direction of symbiotic hosts
If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago
When captured by the enemy, always have a witty retort to piss off your captors
Magnets are the answer to every unexplained phenomenon
When traveling to distant worlds, try not to blow up their sun
If your Lego’s start walking around on their own, shoot them
Things that involuntarily attach themselves to your head are probably bad
Dell laptops can interface with any device, alien or otherwise
Windows is used throughout the universe
When time is against you, there will always be some sort of technical malfunction preventing your escape
Hooking up with a strange alien when you first meet him/her will age you badly
When the time comes, always cut the green one
A scientist’s intelligence is directly inverse to the amount of time he has to come up with the answer before everybody dies
If a person’s eyes glow, shoot them
The federal budget will always be unbalanced by approximately $7.2 billion
You can save the world over and over, but you still have to pay taxes
Deep space telemetry is the coolest job in the world
The young do not always do as they are told
Never ever put a Jaffa and a Tok’ra in the same room without supervision
The word kree has multiple distinct, sometimes contradictory meanings
If it has worked fine for millennia, always try to upgrade it to work more efficiently. What could go wrong?