Ravings of the Loquacious Madman

1. Shut down your computer.
2. Unplug the power cable from the router.
3. Unplug the power cable from the modem.
4. Wait 30 – 45 seconds.
5. Plug the power cable into the modem.
6. Wait 30 – 45 seconds or until the modem establishes a sync with the internet.  Check for the "Online," "Cable," "Cable Link," or "Internet" light to become solid.
7. Plug the power cable into the router.
8. Wait 30 – 45 seconds to give the router time to go through its boot cycle.
9. Start the computer.
10. Wait until the computer has fully booted and connected to the router and internet.
11. Open your browser.

You should be able to connect to a web page.

By Logan Hill, Maxim

Frank Miller has spent as much time as Lex Luthor studying heroes. So I ask him to explain what he’s learned. In a long, intense, often prickly conversation, Miller gradually divulges his hero’s identity. As he does, his protagonists slowly come into focus, stomping out from the shadows of noir, the fog of war, and the black nights of Gotham and Sin City. Below, the 10 rules of the Frank Miller man.

1. The hero sacrifices everything.
Miller’s origin story goes like this: Born in 1957, he grows up in Maryland and Vermont with three brothers and three sisters as a self-described “maladjusted child,” obsessed with comics. At age six he meets his destiny. Instead of being bitten by a radioactive spider, he goes to the movies and gets bitten by the old B-film The 300 Spartans. “It changed the way I looked at heroes entirely,” remembers Miller, who decided then and there to pursue a life in ink. “It stopped being the fresh-faced guys who get medals on their chests at the end of Star Wars. It became people who were willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good.” The lesson stuck with him: “One of the most heroic movies I ever saw was Rocky, a guy who lasts 15 rounds before he loses a fight.”

2. The hero is fearless.
At age 20, fresh out of art school and dreaming of the great comic book houses of New York, Miller moves to the Big Apple. He stalks editors, begs for critiques, and bangs out work-for-hire at $25 a page. Within two years, writing and drawing such projects as the Twilight Zone and Spider-Man, he’s a rising star, pleading for a shot at his own series. Marvel gives him a chance, and he responds by reinventing a 15-year-old comic series about a blind lawyer who moonlights as a vigilante. The tag line for Daredevil is “The man without fear!”—and Miller roots his hero’s power in our universal fear: the dark. “What little kid, five or six years old, hasn’t gone around the house with his eyes closed and hands out?” Miller asks. “That’s the Daredevil fantasy.” Before long Miller is slaughtering sacred cows as a matter of course, reinventing Wolverine, Batman, and, with Sin City and 300, entire genres. Miller was becoming a comic book hero in his own right.

3. The hero does nothing small.
Miller grew up in small towns dreaming of Gotham, Metropolis, and planet-hopping superheroes. “It’s all got to happen on a grand scale,” explains Miller, who first became famous for his crime-fiction influences and later his wild style of slashing lines, abstract action, and Jackson Pollock–like splatter. “C’mon, Superman is ridiculous—he has blue hair, he can fly. It can’t just be, ‘This guy’s having a bad day.’ If Daredevil has a nervous breakdown, people are going to get hit.”

4. The hero loves women of all kinds: Blondes, brunettes, redheads, dominatrices, strippers, hookers…
From his earliest strips to the strippers of Sin City, Miller’s heroes have been surrounded by beautiful, often nude, women. Why? Because, like many school-age outcasts, Miller has always loved to draw hot girls. “When you have a brush in your hand, inking a beautiful woman is a lot like running your hands over her,” Miller says. “It turns me on, OK?”
Over the years Miller has caught some flak for drawing so many hookers and lookers, but the actresses who have worked with him, from Rosario Dawson to Jessica Alba, all defend him. “Frank is a gentleman, and his women are badass,” says Jaime King. A close friend of Miller’s, she says he was “incredibly protective” on the sets of both Sin City and The Spirit. “In Sin City, they may be hookers, but they’re not just being fucked and left for dead. They’re the law of the town, keeping shit together.”

5. The hero fights dirty and looks ugly.
A Frank Miller man is nasty when he needs to be: He fights dirty, uses his fists, and knows how to take a beating. He’s not the clean-cut Captain America type. He’s almost always some nasty-looking, hulking freak who’s half-human, half-rhino. Miller’s Batman is a pink-fleshed Hulk. Sin City’s brutish Marv is Miller’s take on a modern-day barbarian. “If I go for a strong guy” he says, “I want him to be ugly.”
Miller likes the rough image for himself too. He’s earned a reputation within the industry for being ferociously demanding, a quality mirrored in his heroes. “Frank talks about his characters as if they won’t let him go until they’ve told him their stories,” says 300 director Zack Snyder. “The only characters that survive are the ones who are tough enough to fight back. Maybe that’s why he ends up with the hardest and scariest.”

6. The hero has a reason, but he doesn’t need therapy.
“When I first got going on what became The Dark Knight, I just thought about him a lot, what kind of guy would do this stuff,” he says of his endlessly influential 1986 reinvention of Batman. That said, Miller says he’s sick of “therapy culture” and hand-wringing heroes like Spider-Man who go around whining all the time about the burden of great power. In 300 Sparta’s King Leonidas didn’t have to ponder the Persian Empire’s diplomacy—he kicked Xerxes’ diplomat down a well.

7. The hero is chivalrous. But he doesn’t talk about it.
Miller didn’t revive the “Dark Knight” moniker by accident; he believes fiercely in old-school chivalry. And he created the debauched borough of Sin City in 1991 to show that old-fashioned values endure, no matter how corrupt the environment. “Without vice there is no virtue,” he says. “I like to refer to a hard-boiled hero as a knight in blood-caked armor.”

8. The hero is the ultimate romantic.
Miller grew up loving Alfred Hitchcock nearly as much as comic book legend Jack Kirby—and he tried to make it in Hollywood in the late 1980s. He even scripted RoboCop 2 and 3, but the experience soured him, until Robert Rodriguez offered him a co-directing credit on Sin City a decade later. “One of my favorite lines is when Marv is about to kill the priest,” says Snyder. “The priest [played by Miller] says, ‘You’d better ask yourself if this whore is worth dying for.’ Marv says, ‘Worth killing for, worth dying for. Worth going to hell for.’ While he’s shooting him.”

9. The hero is hated and misunderstood.
Miller has always been a controversial figure. The more popular he becomes, the more he seems to piss off colleagues, infuriate fans, and confound expectations–because he’s always restlessly pursuing some new direction. In Miller’s universe, superheroes are outlawed and ostracized—there are no trophies. “Community approval isn’t the motive for a hero anyway,” he says. “It’s the motive for a politician. A hero does the right thing because it’s the right thing.”

10. The hero believes in good and evil.
Miller’s 300 became a lightning rod for criticism since many read it as an endorsement of the war on terror, the West versus the Middle East. “I did this comic in the 1990s, so I never could have expected that it would get this reaction from hawks,” says Miller, laughing. “I did 300 years before 9/11, but you don’t have to read much between the lines to see that I believe there is good and there is evil. As the great cartoonist Wallace Wood said, it’s the job of the good guys to kill the bad guys.”

  Affligem Noel Christmas Ale, 9% ABV * Make sure all those lights are hung before you go tapping this one. Hops, starch, sugar and spices make this premium seasonal worth the wait. It’ll keep you warmer than the fire.

  Anno 1417 Kellerbier, 5.5% ABV * From the brewers at Hacker-Pschorr, one of the oldest breweries in Munich (dating back to 1417), this matte golden ale is the classic unfiltered style: naturally cloudy with a malty nose.

Full Moon Winter Ale, 5.6% ABV * From the popular kids at Blue Moon, their winter ale seasonal. Not as potent as some of the other beers on this list, but approachably malty, just like their other styles.

  St. Nikolaus Bock, 8% ABV * Leave this out for the old guy and see what presents you get under the tree. And this malty, dark bock goes well with those chocolate chip cookies Santa will be expecting anyway.

Clipper City Winter Storm, 7.5% ABV * Know someone who likes to feast on the meat and cheese portion of the hors d’oeuvre hour? This is their beer: goes perfect with sharp cheddar and spicy, smoked meats.

  Newcastle Brown Ale, 4.7% ABV * From England, not Delaware, this one makes the list because, well, it’s my list. And this has always been one of my faves, with its malty and roasty flavor and iconic yellow cap and blue star.

  Guinness Stout, 4.3% ABV * Speaking of icons, the Guinness is one of the best-selling ales in the world, and for good reason. It’s the lightest on our list, despite its color.

Holy Sheet Uber Abbey Ale, 9% ABV * Also from the fine folks at Clipper City in Baltimore, this full-bodied burgundy beer has the ability to knock one on their keister. Steady now.

  Lord Chesterfield Ale, 4% ABV * Yuengling’s lighter, zestier ale, golden in color and less hoppy than the traditional lager. This is for the light beer drinker who’s looking for a change.

  Smithwick’s Irish Ale, 4.5% ABV * "Smitticks" is the only beer on the list with more of a bitter finish, but tasty nonetheless.

  Molson Export Ale, 4.9% * Canadian moonshine at its finest. You’ll think you’re drinking a light beer, but the 4.9 will get ya. It’s like a Christmas miracle!

  Paulaner Salvatore, 7.9% * A fine double bock with a 360-year-old recipe that will make you feel like new after one or two.

  Rob Kalesse Metromix

Don’t believe in Santa Claus? Cutting-edge science explains how Santa is able to deliver toys to good girls and boys around the world in one night.

If you’re skeptical of Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, North Carolina State University’s Dr. Larry Silverberg, professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering, can explain the science and engineering principles that allow the Jolly Old Elf to pull off the magical feat year after year.

With his cherubic smile and twinkling eyes, Santa may appear to be merely a jolly old soul, but he and his North Pole elves have a lot going on under the funny-looking hats, Silverberg says. Their advanced knowledge of electromagnetic waves, the space/time continuum, nanotechnology, genetic engineering and computer science easily trumps the know-how of contemporary scientists.

Silverberg says that Santa has a personal pipeline to children’s thoughts – via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs – which informs him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, while Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard. A sophisticated signal processing system filters the data, giving Santa clues on who wants what, where children live, and even who’s been bad or good. Later, all this information will be processed in an onboard sleigh guidance system, which will provide Santa with the most efficient delivery route.

Silverberg adds that letters to Santa via snail mail still get the job done, however.

Silverberg is not so naïve as to think that Santa and his reindeer can travel approximately 200 million square miles – making stops in some 80 million homes – in one night. Instead, he posits that Santa uses his knowledge of the space/time continuum to form what Silverberg calls “relativity clouds.”

“Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognizes that time can be stretched like a rubber band, space can be squeezed like an orange and light can be bent,” Silverberg says. “Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.”

With a detailed route prepared and his list checked twice through the onboard computer on the technologically advanced sleigh, Santa is ready to deliver presents. His reindeer – genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see well in the dark – don’t actually pull a sleigh loaded down with toys. Instead, each house becomes Santa’s workshop as he utilizes a nano-toymaker to fabricate toys inside the children’s homes. The presents are grown on the spot, as the nano-toymaker creates – atom by atom – toys out of snow and soot, much like DNA can command the growth of organic material like tissues and body parts.

And there’s really no need for Santa to enter the house via chimney, although Silverberg says he enjoys doing that every so often. Rather, the same relativity cloud that allows Santa to deliver presents in what seems like a wink of an eye is also used to “morph” Santa into people’s homes.

Finally, many people wonder how Santa and the reindeer can eat all the food left out for them. Silverberg says they take just a nibble at each house. The remainder is either left in the house or placed in the sleigh’s built-in food dehydrator, where it is preserved for future consumption. It takes a long time to deliver all those presents, after all.

“This is our vision of Santa’s delivery method, given the human, physical and engineering constraints we face today,” Silverberg says. “Children shouldn’t put too much credence in the opinions of those who say it’s not possible to deliver presents all over the world in one night. It is possible, and it’s based on plausible science.”

The Killers 2006

On the corner of main street
Just tryin’ to keep it in line.
You say you wanna move on and
You say I’m falling behind.

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin’ out of this two-star town.
I got the green light,
I got a little fight.
I’m gonna turn this thing around.

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land,
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze.

Oh well I don’t mind, if you don’t mind.
‘Cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down,
Waitin’ on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin’ my spine.

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One,
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline.

Oh well I don’t mind, if you don’t mind
‘Cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine
Before you jump,
tell me what you find when you read my mind.

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall.
You never returned that call.
Woman, open the door, don’t let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again.

She said I don’t mind, if you don’t mind
‘Cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine.

Put your back on me,
Put your back on me,
Put your back on me.

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun.
Can you read my mind.

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Final Standings

Week 1: vs Rogues                80-101        0-1

Week 2: vs VIKINGS08           74-65          1-1

Week 3: vs taggers                92-63          2-1

Week 4: vs Dictator Eli          110-87         3-1

Week 5: vs The Monsters        78-119        3-2

Week 6: vs Orange Ogres         80-31       4-2

Week 7: vs Vick’s Dawgs          60-84        4-3

Week 8: vs Hooligans 2             71-71       4-3-1

Week 9: vs warriors                   63-82       4-4-1

Week 10: vs Rogues                 73-105       4-5-1

Week 11: vs VIKINGS08           129-55        5-5-1

Week 12: vs taggers                  95-59        6-5-1

Week 13: vs Dictator Eli             78-62        7-5-1

Semifinals: vs VIKINGS08           99-98

Finals: vs Rogues                      110-93

• 1st

  Pleaseletmewin

• 2nd

  Rogues

• 3rd

  Orange Ogres

For the first time since I started playing fantasy football about 9 years ago, I won my league! 

• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 

• Down to You

• Serendipity

• Before Sunrise / • Before Sunset   

• Zack and Miri Make a Porno

• Breakfast at Tiffany’s  

• Roman Holiday

• 100 Girls